The Rock Shop | Small Busness Ep. 7

00:12

MIKE: I have the power... of business! Hey guys, Mike Landlot here. I'm the owner of more than 216 local businesses across the Quad County Shelf. And I've been the executive co-scribe of the Skatchenash Valley Chamber of Commerce for the last six years. You're listening to Small Business, a podcast where we talk about all the ins and outs and ups and downs of being a small business owner. Please talk to me on social media. It's @WhyNotLandlot. I'd love to hear from you. Of course, we are talking about business here, but that's just a jumping off point. I'm open to talk about whatever. Because here we are all about having fun.

00:56

LIPPY: Is this original Gizmo mogwai…?

MIKE: Yeah.

LIPPY: The one you had in your room growing up?

MIKE: Yeah, it's the same one.

LIPPY: Man.

MIKE: It’s the real deal right there.

LIPPY: Dang, that's ****ing awesome.

MIKE: Lippy, you can't swear. We're recording.

LIPPY: Oh man, I thought you were still practicing.

MIKE: No, the podcast has started. This is it, buddy.

LIPPY: Aw….

MIKE: I mean….

LIPPY: Oh man.

MIKE: Nah, don't worry about it. We'll just bleep it out. It's fine.

LIPPY: Okay.

MIKE: We're fine. Everything's fine here. How are you?

LIPPY: Like in Star Wars.

MIKE: Exactly.

LIPPY: Han Solo. And then he just shoots it.

MIKE: You know me too well.

LIPPY: Yeah.

MIKE: Now hush up. I gotta introduce you properly.

LIPPY: Okay.

01:38

MIKE: So as you guys may have noticed, we have our first guest today. He kind of just did a little wave. He's a local guy, an old buddy of mine from all the way back in junior high. We had our first summer job together. We had a lot of adventures in high school. He was always the wild one. You know, a real party animal back in the day.

LIPPY: Yeah, I don't do that no more though. I'm clean now.

MIKE: Yeah, which is you should be real proud of that…

LIPPY: Yeah.

MIKE: …you know? We kind of lost touch after high school for a number of years, but he's been back in Goosefire Lake for a while now. And he's been doing great. You know.

LIPPY: Yeah.

02:22

MIKE: He's a fantastic senior salesperson over at Landlot Wine and Spirits. And he's a business owner in his own right, aren't you, Lippy?

LIPPY: Yeah, we got the rock shop, you know?

MIKE: That's right with your Aunt Patty.

LIPPY: Yeah, I stay with her too… you know…

MIKE: Yeah, you've been with her for a long time.

LIPPY: …in the rec room.

MIKE: Yeah.

LIPPY: Yeah.

MIKE: And he's always been a really talented musician. But recently he started writing his own songs. You know, he's a songwriter now, which is awesome. You know, he's even come up with his own genre. What is it you call it again? The kind of music you play?

LIPPY: I call it mountain music.

MIKE: Yeah, it's really great stuff. You know, I describe it as, it's kind of like John Denver. If John Denver got really angry sometimes.

LIPPY: Yeah.

03:13

MIKE: So he's a man of many hats and all around just a fantastic human being. Everybody, please welcome William Lipton Gerbil. Thanks for being here, Lippy.

LIPPY: Yeah, thanks for having me.

MIKE: Yeah.

LIPPY: I’m happy to be here.

MIKE: Well, I'm just happy to have you around again.

LIPPY: Yeah.

MIKE: It’s been real good having you back in town. And I'm honored to have you on the show.

LIPPY: Yeah, no problem.

MIKE: Oh, now, Lippy, I forgot to mention today is not just any other day. Do you know what day it is?

LIPPY: Oh, yeah.

MIKE: April Fool's.

LIPPY: Oh, man. Yeah.

MIKE: Oh, yeah, I love April Fool's.

LIPPY: Yeah.

MIKE: It’s just a day where you get to go out and play funny pranks on people in your life. You know?

LIPPY: Yeah.

04:03

MIKE: So happy April Fool's, everybody. I hope you're all planning on playing some good pranks on people. What about you, Lippy? Have you gotten up to any mischief yet today?

LIPPY: No, but maybe I'll get Aunt Patty later.

MIKE: Well, yeah, you could.

LIPPY: Or you.

MIKE: Oh, you better watch it, buddy. Maybe I got some shenanigans planned for you.

LIPPY: Oh.

MIKE: I don't. But there's still time left. Day isn't over yet, you know?

LIPPY: Oh man.

04:33

MIKE: Well, in honor of you being here, Lippy, I wanted to do this real quick.

LIPPY: Okay.

MIKE: It's kind of an April Fool's thing, I guess. Not really playing tricks, but more like kids fooling around. I found this old gem. It's a list we made in ninth grade of all your nicknames.

LIPPY: Oh, man, I can't believe you still have that.

MIKE: Oh, I definitely kept it. At the top of the page here, it says Nicknames for William Lipton Gerbil.

LIPPY: I don't remember if it has Bill on it, ‘cause I alw-…

MIKE: No, not just Bill by itself, but….

LIPPY: …because I always say, you know, Bill, that's my dad's name.

MIKE: Ah, don't worry. You're in the clear on that one.

LIPPY: OK.

MIKE: You know, I'd never confuse you with Senior.

LIPPY: All right, go for it.

05:17

MIKE: OK, here we go.

LIPPY: Yeah.

MIKE: Nicknames for William Lipton Gerbil. Billy, Billiam, Bill Box, Billy Buckets, Buffalo Bill, Bison Bob, Billabong, Bilbo, Bilbo Baggins, Bilbo Shaggins, Bilbo Bagman, Batman, Bat Bear, Bat Cave, Bat-n-Ball, Big Bear, Bugsy Bogue, Billy the Kid, Billy the Grownup, Bill Beak, Build-a-Bear, Beltbuckle, William, Willie, Willy Wonka, One-Eyed Willy, Will, Will Not, Won’t, Won'ty, Won'ty O'Walrus, Wally, Wally World, Walmart, Walgreens....

05:50

Moving on to Lipton… Lippy, Lipshutz, Lipstick, Lip Time, the Lipster, Liptonio, Lip It Up Chris I'm About To, Hair Lip, Two-Lip, Q-Tip, Slipton, Shipton, Crypton, Krypton, Kryptonite, Cryptkeeper, Cryptograph, Sippy, Chippy, Chip Chop, Chip Clip, Riptide, Slippy, Slippy Dips, Slipknot, Slip Shank, Ship Shape, Flip Flop, Tip Top, Tippy Top, Tubular Floopers, Ice Tea, NesTea, Sweet Tea, Tea Man, T2 Judgment Day, Tip Slip, Tippy Hedron, Tipple Me Timbers, Skynyrd Drank,

06:24

and for your last name, Gerbil… the Gerbil, Gerbil the Gerbil, Gerbil Time, Gerbs, Gerb Man, the Green Gerblin, Green Goblin, the Goblin, the Gremlin, Gerber McBabyfood, Gerf Balls of the Goblet, Gerbler, Garbler, Garbles, Garbastian, Garbanzo, Garbanzo Bean, Beanie, Bean Man, Bean Bag, Bean Ball, Bean Me Up Scotty, Hamster, Homster, Pomster, Palm Frond, Evil Dan, Chewbacca Baby, Late Night Larry, Serious Calvin, Firestarter, Prodigy Jones, Jabberwocky Smith, Kevlar, Kelvin, Lincoln Park Screamtime, The Hive Mind, The Faucet, The Mainframe, and Ye Olde Mothership.

07:04

LIPPY: Oh man.

MIKE: You and I were absolutely bonkers.

LIPPY: Yeah, I couldn't a remembered none of that until you read it.

MIKE: Me neither, you know.

LIPPY: Hearing it all comes back.

MIKE: Sure does.

LIPPY: Oh man, that's some good memories.

MIKE: You know, we made lists like these all the time. We were kind of the class clowns, you know.

LIPPY: Yeah, except no one else knew.

MIKE: Yeah, well, we kind of did our own thing, you know.

LIPPY: Yeah.

MIKE: Anyway, we got to keep moving. I just thought that would be fun, you know.

LIPPY: Yeah.

07:36

MIKE: Well, while you're here, we do talk about small business from time to time. I thought it'd be good maybe to do a little plug for the Rock Shop there for you and Aunt Patty. So why don't you tell everybody where it is and a little bit about it?

LIPPY: It's in Mackitosinaw. We sell rocks, gems, and stuff like that.

MIKE: We used to love hanging out in that place back in the day.

LIPPY: Yeah.

MIKE: And Patty's been running the place for going on what, 40, 50 years?

08:04

LIPPY: Yeah, she got knee problems now.

MIKE: Aw, that's too bad. Like a knee replacement kind of deal?

LIPPY: Her kneecaps are gone, you know.

MIKE: Oh gosh, like she had a surgery or something?

LIPPY: No, they fell apart. So her knees bend the other way now.

MIKE: Her….

LIPPY: Like…

MIKE: What?

LIPPY: Like backward.

MIKE: What?!

LIPPY: Like the wrong way. Yeah, it's real hard to walk.

MIKE: Wait, her knees bend backwards?

LIPPY: Yeah, you know…

MIKE: What do you-

LIPPY: …like... like a werewoof. Like a werewoof’s does.

08:39

MIKE: What are you talking about?

LIPPY: That's how she gets around now.

MIKE: There's no way her legs can bend that way.

LIPPY: Yeah, no, I seen them.

MIKE: That’s… Lippy. What you're saying right now is absolutely cuckoo-banaynay, nut-butter, poo poo balls. Okay? That's not how human legs work. It's anatomically impossible.

LIPPY: When I lotion her feet because she needs help at night…

MIKE: What?

LIPPY: …and I lotion her feet and I seen her knees like that.

09:10

MIKE: Uhh… okay….

LIPPY: Yeah, she got-

MIKE: Okay, um….

LIPPY: Yeah, she got werewoof legs now.

MIKE: Okay, well, I think I should go check on her.

LIPPY: Yeah, you should come out to the shop. We got all kinds of new gems in.

09:27

MIKE: Absolutely. I'd love to. And thank you for bringing it back to the plug here. So people can find it, what is the name of the shop? I never knew.

LIPPY: It's just the Rock Shop.

MIKE: There's not like a…

LIPPY: Sign just says Rock Shop.

MIKE: But is there a-

LIPPY: It’s the Rock Shop.

MIKE: All right, well, there you have it. Everybody head on up to Mackitosinaw, pop in to the Rock Shop there.

LIPPY: Yeah.

09:55

MIKE: So glad you're here with us today, Lippy.

LIPPY: Me too.

MIKE: I'm having a lot of fun with you, uh…

LIPPY: Oh, yeah.

MIKE: …but we got to take a quick commercial break. This is small business with Mike Landlot.

10:05

We'll be right back.

10:12

After a real long winter, there's nothing quite like stepping outside into the fresh air. Drink it in. Ah, yes, the smell of unmitigated suffering. It's back again like clockwork, the familiar sound of war drums on the horizon. Here comes yet another incursion into the peaceful French countryside. Yep, it's like the warmongering of old-timey Germans, but slightly more often. You know what I'm talking about: allergy season! Sneezing, runny nose, itchy eyes, skin allergies that leave you itchy, red and lumpy, inflammation everywhere.

10:44

That's why I take Zyrtec. For the last 15 years, Zyrtec's been the number one over the counter allergy relief brand recommended by my doctor. Mold spores, dust mites, animal dander, oak trees, maple trees, Kentucky bluegrass, ragweed, dandelions. The world is a terrible place and I'm allergic to all of it. I'm talking real bad guys. Once Spring hath sprung, you know I got that fever, baby. Hay fever. As in, hey, get off me. I'm trying to respirate here. Yeah, just when it's finally warm enough to go outside, allergens swarm in, render the world uninhabitable and send my sneezy butt right back into my seasonal coffin. It's downright diabolical.

11:23

Now there's always a few sunny days in March when the horror is yet to begin and every year on those days you go outside and there's a part of you thinking maybe it's gone. Maybe I'll be okay this time. There's gotta be at least a chance, right? Nope, it's hopeless. I did weekly allergy shots for five years and I stand here today exactly as crippled by the blooming of flowers as I was in fifth grade. Okay? It feels like a cosmic joke. Sneezing, coughing, hacking, sore throat, bloodshot eyes itching like crazy. I'm rubbing the crap out of them. Tears streaming down my cheeks. It's violent, out of control and relentless. I'm breathing all weird. There's like a monsoon going full benign inside my face 24/7.

12:02

Sinuses are a network of canals running through your head. Picture the fair city of Venice. Now picture it overrun by a tsunami of mucus, cascading into every crevice. All the gondoliers log-fluming by in their boats just terrified, screaming unholy curses in Italian. Helplessly getting sucked out to sea. Someone's gonna randomly find them dead later. This desiccated salt-crusted corpse just wearing their little Dapper Dan hat but otherwise dressed like the Hamburglar. Just to be clear the gondoliers are boogers.

12:32

Zyrtec provides quick relief, starts working within the hour. Meanwhile, Claritin can take up to three hours to kick in. I don't have that kind of time. Sure, Zyrtec has side effects, dry mouth, fatigue, but oh boy I will take that trade off. If you gotta dry my mouth to dry my nose, you know, sign me up. And yeah, Zyrtec's more likely to cause drowsiness than Claritin, but I actually prefer that, you know. When allergies are in full swing, I'm not looking to spend more time maintaining consciousness than I have to. I'm not looking to Benadryl myself into early-onset dementia, but I'd rather be a little pokey than spend the season alertly experiencing every aspect of snot-soaked misery. Maybe that's me. Could be you like it. Do what works for you.

13:13

Zyrtec knows there's not just one way to party. The folks over at Johnson & Johnson get it. They know swallowing pills can get boring. You could take it the old-fashioned way. They got the tablets, but they also got chewables. So you get to eat it, you know, and they got it in liquid form too. So if you want, you can still go to the big party. Just put your dose of Zyrtec in a solo cup. Walk around sipping on it real slow. Anybody ask why you're not drinking, just tell them you're dosing cetirizine. I don't really know stuff about druggy culture, but it sounds pretty cutting-edge, you know. People might think you're a trend setter. They might even try to buy some from you. People be like, hey, dog, I hear you got the cetirizine hookup. You know, holla atcha boy. Street cred through the roof.

13:52

Zyrtec is a leading anti-histamine, because you know, histamine is just this really panicky, super-stupid chemical that freaks out, you know, over nothing. You just got to block it. Just shut it down, because your brain goes on the fritz. Just because of some pollen that poses zero threat, you know. It's all the hypothalamus' fault. Mine sees all the pollen, like, oh, there's too much. It just gets like overloaded with stimuli, and it just fully neurodiverges. I wish I could like put noise canceling and headphones on or something. Just try to chill it out. But nope, nothing doing.

14:25

nd it turns into a hysterical: 1950

15:19

You know, as an allergy sufferer, I can't stand how some people are in the springtime. You always got that one friend who's like, oh yeah, well now that it's getting nice out, I'm gonna start being active again. They go signing up for various leagues and stuff, asking if you want to join. You're like, no, no, no, no, no, you go on ahead. You go do your jackass class, you know. Yeah, go on and Co-ed Ultimate Frisbee yourself onto a township brochure somewhere. They start talking about how motivated being active gets you. You know how it's like caretaking your bodily temple. Oh, that's nice. Drinking kombucha, hitting up farmers markets for seasonal veggies, getting recipes from your NPR friends, start cooking on the regular, sipping wine and listening to acid jazz the whole time. Thinking maybe you're a super-taster now, always adding a pinch of salt to stuff, you know, just a pinch. But like with this weird little hand flourish, you're doing it two feet above the food for some reason. ‘Cause you probably saw Bobby Flay do it in slo-mo at some point.

16:11

And you walk around your bachelor pad lightly glazed in a cool post-workout sweat, feeling all self-connected and heck-yeah about your life while you check your shirtless self out in a mirror, thinking, “I look pretty good for 45. I'm gonna hit the gym, you know. I've really started to clear space in my life, good balance with work. I'm hitting my stride, you know, reprioritizing. I could start putting on mass, drinking whey protein. I could start doing this whole shirtless affirmation in front of the mirror thing on the regs. I mean, summer's coming. Having a beach bod just might be on the table again. I think I'm gonna deep-clean my whole house, get it real organized and super clean like some sort of upper-middle-class American psycho guy.

16:50

I could become like a real relatable influencer for other guys in their 40s, get a tripod for my phone, start taking videos of myself cleaning my house, meditating, sitting at my computer with real good posture, grinding my own coffee, edit all of that together. Then I could add my own narration about my health journey. I could do like a real calm sounding voice with some casual eastern mysticism kind of glued on to my WASPy midwestern middle management cog status within this terrarium of hyper-commercial capitalist values that I call reality. Download Duolingo so I can accumulate an unrivaled knowledge of French vocab words, take a pottery class, start dating again now, with ample things to say that I do with myself. Maybe meet the lady of my dreams, but not until I've had some real risky but totally high fivable Red Shoe Diaries-type experiences. With the ladies.”

17:35

No yeah, you go on ahead and do all that. You go ahead and do your springtime-inspired personal renaissance montage. I'm good. I'll just be at home, you know, inside this snot rag, for three months, you know, while you while you run around and do all that. Oh yeah, no, I just got to seal all the exterior crevices in my house so no air gets in. No, I’ll just be Instacarting a bunch of ramen, Vicks Vapo-Rub and a tub of Vaseline just to kind of, you know, rearrange the deck chairs on my sinking body. Give a little token comfort to myself as I wither away. Kind of a hospice deal. Achoo, achoo, achoo, ouch! You sound like you're looking great by the way, but I can't tell because my eyes are crusted shut.

18:10

Once I take Zyrtec though, it all kind of calms down sometimes. After their patented formula kicks in, I'll just be sitting there in the aftermath, hunched over under a blanket, twisted up toilet paper, raw dog into my severely chapped nostrils. Plugging up that old mucus fostered in my bright red super puffy face. Finally getting a little break for the ribs. I bruised them from coughing 12 hours straight and I'm free to stare at the floor. Just kind of zoning out, swaying back and forth. Still can't go outside though.

18:36

But with Zyrtec on my side, some days I'm entirely unmolested by the demonic phlegm typhoons of immuno-paranoia. I can sit at my hermetically sealed window and watch other people enjoying all that spring has to offer. Finally free from the dark dusty suffocating tomb of winter hibernation. They're all playing and laughing and being, you know, not all alone. I just sit there watching them for hours. Kind of like a kid with polio, you know, wondering what it feels like to touch a dandelion.

19:03

Mom comes in. “Ernest, you've been at that window all day. Get back in bed.” “Ah please ma, I just want to see the other children. They've so much life in them.” “Oh but honey, you're liable to catch a draft. And you know what Dr. Livingstone said.” “I know ma, but it gives me hope that one day maybe I can be out there with them. Running, jumping, oh please, just a little longer.” “Okay darling, I'll bring you a plate of crackers.” Except you know, nobody ever comes in and has that conversation with me. If I want a cracker plate, I gotta go get it. Which is fine. I'm happy to do it.

19:34

I wouldn't want to bother my mom even if she was here. I’d just ask her to play Scrabble with me maybe. That'd be fun. And we could watch The Wonder Years or something. But no, it's just me here. Which is, that's fine. You know? And it only lasts three or four months. Just every year, you know, uhhhh... until I die. So... yeah. Zyrtec. Nothing to sneeze at.

20:02

MIKE: Welcome back to Small Business with Mike Landlot. Full disclosure, that was not a real ad. I'm just showing potential sponsors out there the kind of testimonial ads I can do for them. Uhhh... back to business, friends. It's all about brand recognition. You know that. You want your customers to understand your brand personality right off the bat. You know? And the centerpiece of all that marketing you do is your brand's name. At its core, that brand name has to communicate what your business actually does. Right?

20:36

I thought I'd put it to the test. So we're going to play a little game here called Guess What This Company Does. I had my interns compile a list of ten obscure brand names. No logos or anything. So just based off the name, I have sixty seconds to guess what all ten businesses are. Lippy, I'm going to need your help with this one.

LIPPY: Okay.

MIKE: You got the list of the ten brands and what they do there. Alright?

LIPPY: Yeah.

MIKE: When I say go, you're going to read a brand name and then I'll give you my best guess of what that company does. Got it?

LIPPY: Yep.

MIKE: You ready?

LIPPY: Yeah.

MIKE: Okay, sixty seconds on the clock. Alright, go.

21:16

LIPPY: Just Born.

MIKE: What?

LIPPY: Just Born.

MIKE: Uh, Just… a law office that defends babies?

LIPPY: Loud Brothers.

MIKE: Loud Brothers?

LIPPY: Yeah.

MIKE: Family therapy?

LIPPY: Wolfspeed.

MIKE: Uh, bicycles for dogs.

LIPPY: Spoonflower.

MIKE: Edible flower arrangements. Take your time, why don't you?

LIPPY: Lolly Wolly Doodle.

MIKE: Oh, come on. That can't be a real one.

LIPPY: Lolly Wolly Doodle.

MIKE: Uh, candy art.

21:47

LIPPY: Horizon Hobby.

MIKE: Horizon, uh… flying lessons.

LIPPY: Group O.

MIKE: Ohio-based Illuminati.

LIPPY: Shakespeare Squared.

MIKE: Uh, theatrical math.

LIPPY: TigerSwan.

MIKE: TigerSwan. Uh, a genetics lab making weird animal hybrids?

LIPPY: Mike-

MIKE: I don't know.

LIPPY: Mikesell’s.

MIKE: Mikesell’s?

LIPPY: Yeah. M-I-K-E-S-E-L-L-apostrophe-S.

MIKE: I don’t know, my life. Oh, geez.

22:17

LIPPY: Whoa.

MIKE: I just guessed “my life.”

LIPPY: That was intense.

MIKE: Yeah, that was hard. That was a lot harder than I thought it'd be. Uh, but yeah, good job, Lippy.

LIPPY: Yeah.

MIKE: Alright, so let's see how we did. What do those companies actually do? Uh, for the first one, Just Born, I said a law office that defends babies. The real answer is?

LIPPY: Candy company.

MIKE: What? How? Just Born? It’s a candy company? Alright, so I got that one wrong. Loud Brothers, I said family therapy. Real answer is?

22:52

LIPPY: Piano makers.

MIKE: Oh. They make pianos. Alright. Wolfspeed. I said bicycles for dogs. What's the real answer?

LIPPY: Electronics.

MIKE: Electronics?

LIPPY: Yeah.

MIKE: I feel like electronics should aim to be a little faster than a wolf, but, okay.

LIPPY: Yeah.

MIKE: Spoonflower. I said edible flower arrangements. The real answer is?

LIPPY: Home decor.

MIKE: Okay. Uh, Lolly Wolly Doodle. I said candy art. And what's the real answer?

LIPPY: Children's clothing.

MIKE: I guess that's kind of cute. Yeah. So I got that one wrong. Uh, okay. Horizon Hobby. I said flying lessons. What's the real answer?

23:36

LIPPY: Remote control cars.

MIKE: Remote control cars. I don't get it. Alright. Group O, I said Ohio based Illuminati. That's not right. Real answer is?

LIPPY: Business process outsourcing.

MIKE: Business process outs-…

LIPPY: Yeah.

MIKE: That sounds like a term that someone trying not to lose their job comes up with. Uh, Shakespeare Squared. I said theatrical math. Correct answer is?

24:03

LIPPY: School books.

MIKE: Oh. So I got that one wrong. Uh, TigerSwan. I said genetics lab making animal hybrids. What's the correct answer?

LIPPY: Security firm.

MIKE: A security firm? What do you- I mean the tiger's intimidating, but the swan is, what’s it-

LIPPY: No, swans are strong. They've been known to drown a toddler.

MIKE: What? Is that true?

LIPPY: Yeah, just pull them in.

MIKE: Ah, jeez.

LIPPY: Oh yeah.

MIKE: Alright, that's terrible.

LIPPY: Wild animals are freaky.

24:33

MIKE: Yush…. Alright, and the last one, Mikesell’s, I said my life. Uh, correct answer is?

LIPPY: Potato chips.

MIKE: Okay. Potato chips. Alright. Great. Mike sells potato chips…

LIPPY: Yeah.

MIKE: …down by the seashore. Well, that was fun. Uh, I'll be honest, I feel like I didn't do very well at that game, and so now I'm blaming all the brands. I'm sure they're all fine. I'm sure they're all good names, you know. But alright, so what was the final tally?

LIPPY: Uh, 10 wrong, zero right.

25:06

MIKE: I really knocked it out of the park here, and by out of the park, I mean back into the dugout, into the locker room, pack up your stuff, you're kicked off the team, because that was awful.

LIPPY: Oh man.

MIKE: I did real bad.

LIPPY: Yeah.

MIKE: But, uh, we had fun.

LIPPY: Yeah.

MIKE: Right? We're having fun here.

LIPPY: Oh yeah.

MIKE: Uh, anywho, that was Guess What This Company Does. Hard pivot.

25:28

Sad news over the weekend, David Letterman passed away. Rest in peace. He was one of my heroes, you know. Did you ever watch The Late Show with David Letterman?

LIPPY: Uh, no.

MIKE: Well, I did. Uh, and it's real sad, but…

LIPPY: Yeah.

MIKE: …I thought in his honor, we could do… drum roll please.

LIPPY: Brrrrrr-kshh.

MIKE: A Mike's Top 10 list. Here we go. Mike's Top 10 Signs Something Real Bad's About to Go Down: Wild Animal Edition.

LIPPY: Oh man.

MIKE: Yeah. Get ready buddy.

LIPPY: Okay.

26:06

MIKE: Number 10.

LIPPY: Yeah.

MIKE: You know something real bad's about to go down, when wild animals all start running in the same direction.

LIPPY: Oh.

MIKE: That's every species at the same time.

LIPPY: That would freak me out.

MIKE: Yeah. It could be a tsunami, a flood, an earthquake.

LIPPY: Fire.

MIKE: Fire.

LIPPY: Like in Bambi.

MIKE: Oh yeah. Number nine. You know something real bad's about to go down, when wild animals all go quiet at the same time.

LIPPY: That's an omen right there.

MIKE: It could indicate the arrival of an entity. Yeah.

26:40

LIPPY: Evil forest.

MIKE: You betcha. Number eight. You know something real bad's about to go down when wild animals stand there calmly staring at you with hate in their eyes.

LIPPY: Oh….

MIKE: No thank you. Not for me.

LIPPY: Me either.

MIKE: Number seven. You know something real bad's about to go down when wild animals smile at you.

LIPPY: Whoa.

MIKE: This one doesn't count if it's a primate, because monkeys can smile at you and it's no big deal.

LIPPY: Yeah, but if it's a deer.

MIKE: Yeah, or a squirrel.

LIPPY: I don't want nothing to do with that.

MIKE: Same.

LIPPY: You know?

27:16

MIKE: Number six. You know something real bad's about to go down when wild animals start showing up mauled to death, but entirely uneaten.

LIPPY: That's when you know, you know? There's something out there, something big, and it's killing for sport.

MIKE: Yeah, and if their heads and spines are removed, that could only mean one thing.

BOTH: Predator.

27:43

MIKE: Yeah. Number five. You know something real bad's about to go down when wild animals keep bowing to a hooded figure.

LIPPY: Because they're working for it.

MIKE: Yeah, dark magic.

LIPPY: Necromancer.

MIKE: Hm. Number four. You know something real bad's about to go down when wild animals start walking around on their hind legs.

LIPPY: That's a bridge too far.

MIKE: Agreed. Number three. You know something real bad's about to go down when wild animals sprint at you while screaming every time you go outside.

LIPPY: That one's not so bad.

MIKE: What are you talking about?

LIPPY: Yeah, that's happened to me. It's scary, but not that scary.

MIKE: Wait, what a-? That's happened to you?

LIPPY: Yeah, it was raccoons. I just stood my ground.

28:30

MIKE: Okay. Number two. You know something real bad's about to go down when wild animals appear to be working together to make tools and fire.

LIPPY: No way.

MIKE: Yep.

LIPPY: I'm moving out if I see that.

MIKE: U-Haul and buh-bye. And finally, number one. You know something real bad's about to go down…

LIPPY: Okay….

MIKE: …when wild animals are forming a great circle around your house.

LIPPY: Oh.

28:58

MIKE: That's checkmate, my friend.

LIPPY: Oh yeah.

MIKE: You're done at that point.

LIPPY: Toast.

MIKE: Anyway, that was Mike's Top 10 Signs Something Real Bad's About to Go Down: Wild Animal Edition.

LIPPY: Wow. That was awesome, Mike. Where'd you get all that?

MIKE: Just my nightmares, you know.

LIPPY: Wild animals, Mike.

MIKE: Yeah, exactly. Wild animals.

LIPPY: They'll get you.

MIKE: Agreed.

LIPPY: Oh man.

29:23

MIKE: It looks like we're kind of running low on time here, but yeah, that's how the sausage gets made, you know. Hey, we just made a podcast episode together.

LIPPY: Oh.

MIKE: Which, you know, never in my wildest dreams would I have thought we'd get to do something like this, you know. And it was real fun getting to show you sort of behind the scenes…

LIPPY: Yeah.

MIKE: …of small business here and introduce you to all the people. So what'd you think of the whole process and everything?

LIPPY: Yeah, this is real cool, Mike.

MIKE: Yeah.

LIPPY: I can't believe that you get to do this.

MIKE: Yeah.

LIPPY: Oh man.

MIKE: I know, right?

LIPPY: It's great.

MIKE: Pretty top notch. What did I do to be so lucky? Did I make a wish on a Zoltar machine? I don't remember. You know, what?

LIPPY: Oh.

30:11

MIKE: I don't know. Uhhh… but yeah, I've really been enjoying doing the show here. The people I get to talk to, you know, online and social media and whatnot.

LIPPY: Yeah.

MIKE: The people are just fantastic, Lippy. You know, the listeners.

LIPPY: Yeah.

MIKE: It's just been fun connecting with everybody and talking about business. You know, just building that community. You know. And you know, I wanted to thank you, Lippy. Lipster, Billy the Grown-Up, for coming out today and being part of my little show here. Also on a serious note, I wanted to thank you for being there for me in general over the years, you know. I'm real proud of all the work you done…

LIPPY: Man….

MIKE: …and the music's great. You're really doing great. I know I said it already, but I'm just so happy you came back to town when you did and that we're finally getting a chance to hang out again, you know.

31:08

LIPPY: You gave me a job and everything…

MIKE: That’s just-

LIPPY: And you always been a good friend, you know, so…

MIKE: Hey, I'm thanking you here, Lip.

LIPPY: …so yeah, thank you.

MIKE: All right, you got me. I accept your thanks. De nada, boom-balada. So, uhh-

LIPPY: Mike, do I need to bring my sleeping bag in? You know?

MIKE: Uhh no, you're all set up on the sleeper sofa in my office, you know, because there's no TV in the guest room. And I know you like the TV on when you sleep. So…

LIPPY: Yeah.

MIKE: …yeah, I put you in there. But yeah, the sofa's already made up for you. So.

LIPPY: OK, I like your house.

31:49

MIKE: Ah thanks, Bat Bear. You want to go exploring?

LIPPY: Okay.

MIKE: You can go check the place out, you know, while I finish up here, you can.

LIPPY: Yeah.

MIKE: Well get after it, Slippy Dips. Go anywhere you want. Oh, be sure to check out the art. It all just came with the place, you know. It's like realtor art. It's pretty stupid. You'll get, you'll get a kick out of it, I promise.

32:18

Anywho, guys, we're on every major podcasting platform, but I want to hear from you. You can do that on YouTube @WhyNotLandlot. The podcast episode is there for you to leave me your comments. You can also check out a variety of my TV commercials there. You can hit me up on Tweeterdee, Tweeterdum X-Men Tweetland. I do not understand the platform, but I'm always there talking with business leaders, you know, sharing articles, picking the brains of wildly successful people. You could jump into the convo @WhyNotLandlot.

32:53

If for some reason you find yourself drifting aimlessly through Mark Zuckerberg's version of Tron, you can hit me up on Facebook. I like chit-chatting with humans there @WhyNotLandlot. And if you've really run out of things to do, stop by my Instagram. It was originally a parody account and the owners were more than gracious enough to gift it over to me. But I have not yet posted a single thing there, nor have I taken down their original parody posts. So, uh, yeah, go enjoy that. Again, it's WhyNotLandlot. They're all the same: @WhyNotLandlot. Go add me right now. Leave me your comments, questions about small business or life, whatever you're feeling, folks.

33:36

I want to thank our sponsors for the episode, uh, me and me. I also want to thank our guest once again for coming out. Everybody give it up for Lippy… who’s very excited for our little guys’ night here. He's already pillaging my stash of board games. Oh, what an odd duck. Love that guy.

33:55

And most of all, I want to thank you, friends, the listeners and commenters and all that. You guys are the ones that make all of this possible. It really is about community, folks. So join the conversation. And together we can make small business a little bit smaller. All right, I got to go order a pizza, track down my Hulu password and clear the piles of tax forms off my gaming table so the boys can get down to the business of not doing business.

34:24

That about does it for me. This has been small business with Mike Landlot. If you're enjoying the podcast, please leave a review. If you're not, please don’t. Be safe out there, everyone. And remember, think global, dream local and watch out for deer.